Thirty-Eight Degrees and Rainy, Sounds Like Spring Break to Me!

13 Mar

I capitalized a lot there.

HOLY CRAP IT’S MARCH…wait, what day is this?

***checks calendar, realizes “calendar” is a blank dry erase board.

IT’S ___DAY!

I love this day. I love the promise of spring break. I love it when the University President promises to let me have spring break. This morning started like most other mornings, with me and my friend Wesley in Derek’s bedroom egging on one of his night terrors. After Derek hit his head on his desk, he woke up, and ruined everything. Now it’s time to get ready for school.

I make coffee every morning. At this point, I’ve ingested so much that it hardly has the once prominent “kick” I came to depend on. Still the same old stink breath, though. **covers mouth politely, half smiles, but you can’t see because my mouth is covered** I just drink it because it’s a part of my routine, like it’s a part of a carpenter’s routine to check for hanging nails, a writer’s routine to check for grammar and spelling errors, or the hilarious auto mechanic’s routine to put a banana in your exhaust before you leave his shop. Oh, Ralph. I do miss my dad, though.

So after doing my morning “thang,” I decide it’s time to get started living. I put on my jacket, pick up my back pack, water (pee on) Lanny’s plants and step out the door, into the bright Denton sun…but wait, there is no Golden Sun™ to greet me… It looks like the sun has died! I drop do my knees and begin to weep openly. It’s gross. When I cry I look like a pasty, curly-headed raisin. I’m really hoping that God/Obama is just trying to combine as many bad weather days (combining a rainy day, a cold day, and a windy day) as he can so we can have more sunny days later.

Is it gay to offer part of your umbrella to another man who doesn’t have an umbrella?

Is it rude to try to sell the unused space under your umbrella?

I’m tired of this. My hands are cold.

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