Celebrity Tweets

24 Apr

Hello, planet Earth.

The other day, also known as Wednesday, I was adding celebrities to my Twitter account. For those of you who don’t know, Twitter is a website that functions kind of like facebook’s home page: purely status updates. You have 140 characters to tell the people subscribing to your Twitter page what you’re doing. You have “followers” who can read your status updates. Another cool feature is the ability to respond to people’s Tweets. This is signified by @username of the person you’re responding to, then your response.

Why was I doing this? Because celebrities are so bizarre. I really enjoy reading their moment by moment updates throughout the day and even being able to respond to them. Here are some of the more interesting updates I’ve read recently. My Twitter name is IronKyle.

THE_REAL_SHAQ @IronKyle: No, I wouldn’t credit “Kazaam” with my success on the court.

IronKyle @ THE_REAL_SHAQ: Well then you’re an idiot.

THE_REAL_SHAQ@IronKyle: Who the hell is this?

IronKyle@THE_REAL_SHAQ: I’m Kyle. Iron Kyle. You may have read my blog, kyleirionforever.wordpress.com

THE_REAL_SHAQ@IronKyle: I put up some parental blocks to keep my daughters from reading it.

IronKyle@THE_REAL_SHAQ: Would you say you blocked my site like you block an opponent’s weak jumper?

THE_REAL_SHAQ@IronKyle: I’d say I blocked it like a parent blocks a shitty web site.

IronKyle@THE_REAL_SHAQ: BOOM! You’re awesome.

—–

johncmayer: Ever notice there’s always still a street in Manhattan you’ve never heard of? “Ever eat at that place on Zance and Mortimer?”

IronKyle@johncmayer: Is that where you’re eating today?

johncmayer@IronKyle: Uh, no. Those are two made up streets.

IronKyle@johncmayer: Do you still play that song where you compare your lover’s vagina to a house of mirrors?

johncmayer@IronKyle: “Your Body Is a Wonderland”?

IronKyle@johncmayer: Yea. I think you refer to your boner as a “bag full of yummy fair candy”

johncmayer@IronKyle: Man, that song is about making love to a beautiful woman–how her body never ceased to amaze me, because it was hers.

IronKyle@johncmayer: You should write a song about aliens

johncmayer@IronKyle: I don’t think I’ll be doing that, IronKyle

IronKyle@johncmayer: Well then you’re an idiot.

—-

Oprah@IronKyle: Thanks 4 ur support, IronKyle! I’m glad you enjoy the show.

IronKyle@Oprah: You’re welcome. Just be sure you keep that badass rack on the air for another ten years, ok?

Oprah@IronKyle: That’s horribly offensive.

IronKyle@Oprah: I was just kidding. It’s not offensive if it’s just kidding.

Oprah@IronKyle: Who taught you that?

IronKyle@Oprah: Why Oprah, don’t you remember?…It was you, 6 years ago. Episode 541.

Oprah@IronKyle: We’d already made about 2,000 episodes by that time. I think you just made up a number. I never taught you that.

IronKyle@Oprah: Take off your clothes more.

Oprah@IronKyle: …I’m not going to do that. I don’t think I want you following me on Twitter anymore.

IronKyle@Oprah: Can I still follow you in my car, though?

Oprah@IronKyle: I hope you’re kidding. That’s not a funny joke. I have good friends of mine that have dealt with stalking.

IronKyle@Oprah: What happened to you, Oprah? You used to be so cool. Will you do a show in 3-D this year?

Oprah@IronKyle: No.

IronKyle@Oprah: Sometimes I put on 3-D goggles and pretend that the whole world is a giant 3-D movie. What’s your phone number?

TwittAdmin@IronKyle: Hello, IronKyle. Unfortunately, you’ve violated our Terms of Use and I’m going to have to remove your account.

IronKyle@TwittAdmin: Well then you’re an idiot.

—-

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3 Responses to “Celebrity Tweets”

  1. Prof. Box-Top April 25, 2009 at 11:38 pm #

    Man you know what the greatest thing in the world is. Watching Kazaam, while wearing a pair of 3D glasses and eating a bag full of yummy fair candy. And whats even better than that, is doing all of that while listening to John Mayer music and having Oprah give your boner a good “life lesson” with her mouth. Ahahahahaha. Thats as real as it gets kids……..

  2. Talia April 26, 2009 at 11:47 pm #

    what an imagination!!!

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Meet the Editor. « Eat This, Internet. - August 18, 2009

    […] fairly good friendships with a couple of our interviewees.” Editor says. “Since the tweeting blog, I’ve become fairly close to John Mayer and Shaq. John was at my apartment last weekend. I […]

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