Archive | 5:01 pm

Me and Lanny talk Cowboys

12 Jan

A.P. is sometimes used as an abbreviation for anal penetration. However, it is more commonly used as an abbreviation for Vikings running back Adrian Peterson, who the Cowboys will face this weekend in the second round of the NFL playoffs.

This conversation actually happened.

My phone rings. It’s 4:36 pm on Tuesday afternoon.

“Hello?” I answer.

“Hey man,” Lanny responds, “You wanna talk Cowboys?”

I’m a little taken aback by the request, as Lanny’s at work, but I decide that Lanny might just be bored on one of his delivery routes and looking for some distraction. “Sure. Go ahead,” I say.

“Well, what do you think of A.P.?”

“A.P.? I think Adrian Peterson is a prolific running back. I think he’s definitely a threat to be dealt with.”

“Do you think there’ll be a lot of A.P. this weekend?”

“Well, I think a healthy dose of A.P. gives the Vikings their best chance to win. It’d open up the play action for Favre and their receivers.”

There’s a brief pause on the other side of the line. “Do you think A.P. will hurt the Cowboys?” Lanny asks.

“If they don’t pay attention to him, Peterson will definitely hit them with big time.”

“So you think A.P. will gash them pretty bad? Split ’em wide open?”

“Yes–he could. A.P. will probably hurt them more early on.”

Lanny’s voice becomes shakier and shakier as he asks this next question. “Do you think the Cowboys will start to like A.P. after awhile?” Okay. Now I get it.

“Adrian seems like a pretty nice guy, I guess, but he is a professional athlete. So, I guess A.P. could require some getting used to.”

Here we both break out into laughter, bantering a little bit before ending the conversation. I try the same thing with my friend, Sam, a few minutes later.

“Hello?” Sam answers.

“You want to talk Cowboys?”


“Oh, okay.”

“Let me call you back.”

I’m called back a few minutes later.

“Hey man.”

“Hey, Sam. You want to talk Cowboys?”

“Yea, what’s up?”

“Well, do you think A.P. will hurt the Cowboys this weekend?”

“Definitely. I think that’s the only chance the Vikings have of winning the game. They need to get him going.”

“Do you think they’ll like A.P.?” I choke out the last few words, holding back laughter.


“Do you think they’ll like A.P.?” I’m now laughing unabashedly.

“I don’t get it.”

“Like anal penetration. A.P.–anal penetration.”

“Ah, okay.” Mild, humoring chuckles.

Happy Tuesday.

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