Pat Robertson is an Idiot.

14 Jan

“Something happened a long time ago in Haiti, and people might not want to talk about it,” Robertson said. “They were under the heel of the French … and they got together and swore a pact to the devil. They said, ‘We will serve you if you’ll get us free from the French.'”

“True story. And the devil said, ‘OK, it’s a deal.’ Ever since, they have been cursed by one thing after another.”

-Pat Robertson, on the 2010 Haiti Earthquake

Here’s a list of equally provable claims that I just made up:

  1. Both of Oprah’s parents were robots who resembled humans in every possible way, and they even faked getting human illnesses and dying because they wanted people to believe that Oprah was also human.
  2. I have a six foot dong that only exists when my pants are zipped up.
  3. One time, when no one was looking, Barack Obama made a living dog out of clay and old newspapers.
  4. Owls are the devil’s way of saying “Yea, even birds can be creepy as fuck.”
  5. Ghostbusters is actually America’s most popular documentary, covered up several of the world’s largest governments.

One Response to “Pat Robertson is an Idiot.”

  1. Pat January 18, 2010 at 9:23 pm #

    I love you, Kyle. This is good.

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