Derek and I Talk–Figuratively

15 Mar

This is a real facebook conversation me and my friend Derek had today.

Derek

i don’t want to go to work.

Kyle

3?

Derek

TWO O’CLOCK

1:49pmKyle

Oh god.

Derek

these are my last minutes

my last minutes alive.

Kyle

DEREK!

DEREK I LOVE YOU!

I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU!

DO NOT GO QUIETLY INTO THAT DARK NIGHT!

Derek

eh

Kyle

oh.

Derek

yeah.

Kyle

so you don’t have anything to say to me?

before you die?

Derek

it’s a figure of speech, kyle.

Kyle

oh.

Derek

i am figuratively dying.

Kyle

OH!

thank god

i don’t get figures.

Derek

no, you don’t.

Kyle

*Cuts off wiener

*Eats it

is that figurative?

are figuratives lies?

Derek

no.

Kyle

you lied, though. you’re not really dying.

Derek

daddy’s tired, kyle.

Kyle

you’re my dad?

Derek

i am in the figurative sense.

i have to go now.

goodbye.

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