Can You Help Me?

5 May

Did you know that even “Iron” Kyle Irion loves to eat food? It’s true! He does!

I'm composed of Carbon!

I also love to do fun things. It’s fun to do fun things. I think writing these blogs is fun too.

Unfortunately, this is a free service that you people only pay for through laughter I’ll never hear and anonymous clicks on my hit counter that only sometimes make my nether-regions grin.

Those laughs and hits are greatly appreciated, but they can’t pay for food or rent. When I tried to use these things as bargaining ships when haggling with a leasing agent, things didn’t work out so well:

“Yes, rent is $750 a month, including utilities,” the agent says.

“All right, well, that sounds great, Rita, b–”

“–My name is Charlene.”

“That’s right. How rude of me. Anyway, Charlie, $750 sounds great, but I’d like to pay you in something better. Do you like laughter?”

“We just take cash or check, Mr. Irion.”

“Call me Rita,” I respond. “If you don’t like that name, I’ll take it. Call me Rita, Charlotte.”

“Yes sir. Like I said, rent is $750 a month.”

“Okay. Before we continue our negotiations, let me ask you a simple question: Have you ever heard of the internet?”

“Rent is $750 a month.”

Don’t worry, I’m not going to ask you for money (feel free, though). I’m just going to say that if any of you beautiful, beautiful people know of a channel through which I could garner pay or greater recognition for this kind of thing, please let me know. I know it’s a pretty wild dream to want do comedy writing for money, but I think it’s possible. So, if you know anybody who needs a comedy writer or a grateful beneficiary on whom to pour their vast wealth, please e-mail me at

2 Responses to “Can You Help Me?”

  1. Mrs. Rodriguez May 29, 2010 at 8:29 pm #

    What are you whining about? You were paid for 6 months of goofing off, that counts, doesn’t it? Btw- you look very nice in this picture.

  2. Pat June 5, 2010 at 5:15 pm #

    I will pay you in tummy tickles and ear whisperings.

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