Archive | 7:10 pm

My Time as an Idea Extractor

20 Jul

Have you seen Inception? If you have, this blog is for you. If you haven’t, enjoy this picture then go somewhere else. You can stay if you want, there aren’t any spoilers, but still. I thought I’d give you the option.

We sit in a beaten down warehouse that has been retrofitted as a base of operations for Dom Cobb and his group of idea extractors. They steal ideas from the minds of others by infiltrating their dreams.

“Are you ready?” Dom asks me.

“Yes. Jesus, you’re handsome. You’re all so handsome.” I sigh and lean closely to Dom’s ear. He leans a bit toward me as well. “Do you think I’m at least more handsome than that gentleman with the long hair over there?”

“What gentleman?” Dom asks, confused.

“The gentleman at the desk. The tiny one. Probably a gymnast or tunnel-digger.”

“That’s a woman. Her name is Ariadne.”

“That’s a woman?”

“Yea,” Dom responds dryly. I look over at Ariadne, scrutinizing.

“Yea, I think you’re dreaming, Dom.”

“Dom, Kyle, are you guys ready?” Arthur, Dom’s second in command and second in handsome asks.

“One moment,” Dom responds. “Make sure Saito’s out,” he says to Arthur. “–out cold. This could be bumpy. It’s Kyle’s first idea extraction.”

Before we go into the dreamworld, I am prompted by Dom on what kind of scene to create:

“Kyle, we need to infiltrate the dreams of that man resting over there. His name is Saito. He’s a business man–more than that–he’s the CEO of one of the most powerful companies in the world. We’ve been contracted to extract some highly classified information from his mind. We need to make him comfortable. Create an classic, oriental ballroom. Fill it with beautiful, high-class people from the most elite walks of life. I can’t know any of the specifics and you don’t need to know what information we need. Just do it. Good luck.”

We lean back into our seats and Arthur injects us with the serum that sends us to the deepest level of sleep. We enter Saito’s mind and I create the dream as per Dom’s instructions.

In dreams, you never see the beginning. You just arrive somewhere in the middle, and that’s exactly how me and Dom arrive in the oriental ballroom scene. There are three or so dozen people in the room with us, drinking and chatting in the soft voices, all at close-proximity to one another as the music floats overhead.

“Kyle, what is this?” Dom asks, furious, trying desperately to keep his voice down.

“An oriental ball room,” I respond meekly. Dom’s hair is slicked back, revealing the true magnitude of how huge his head is. It’s like an angry hot air balloon.

“This is a ball pit, Kyle. A ball pit. What kind of high class parties do you think employ a ball pit?!”

“The best kind?”

“No kind!” Dom yells, momentarily losing control. He exhales and regains his composure. “Okay, this isn’t lost. We can work with this. Can you change this to a ball room before Saito makes his entrance?”

I nod. I have never been in a ball room in my life. I decide to go ahead and tell Dom this. He looks terrified and furious. His head is enormous.

“Just make it into a big, pretty room. Do that. Indirect light, exposed rafters, wood tones. Go.”

I do as I’m instructed. It actually isn’t half bad. After I’m done, the patrons all exchange confused, suspicious glances.

“They know the dream is being changed,” Dom said. “Be careful not to do anything too drastic. If they begin to sense that it isn’t Saito creating the dream, they’ll turn on you. It’s a defense mechanism.”

“Sounds good,” I say.

Moments later, Saito enters the room. He’s very Asian.

“Very Asian,” I whisper into Dom’s ear. I insert a ping pong table into the middle of the room. Dom turns to glare at me. I smile and wink at him, proud of my ingenuity.

I’m beginning to get very hungry in the dream. Saito and Dom are exchanging small talk. Dom is posing as a dream security professional. He’s so smart. While he’s doing that, to slake my hunger, I turn the hands of a woman next to me into cheese burgers. Before I can begin eating, she starts to scream. I realize how incredibly impractical my decision was and start to apologize. Frazzled, I can’t focus. The dream starts breaking down.

Saito realizes what we’re doing and draws a gun. Dom likewise draws a small pistol from the holster under his jacket and returns fire. We begin running through the ball room.

“Get us a way out of here!” Dom screams.

I create a large waterslide and jump down into it. It’s ruining my tuxedo. As I slide down, I turn to see if Dom is still behind me. He is. His head plummeting down the slide reminds me of the giant boulder scene from Raiders of the Lost Ark.

At the bottom of the slide, there’s a slight ramp. It throws us aloft  for a moment, then we crash into the water, creating the “kick,” the sensation that jolts us awake.

I wake up with a gasp as does Dom beside me. Saito remains sedated on a bed nearby. Arthur is fiddling with some machine that sits between us, dispensing the chemicals that put us so quickly into such deep sleep.

“What the hell was that?” Dom asks me, pulling the IV from his arm.

“I was hungry! There was no food at that stupid party!”

“You made the party!”

“Yea. I’m not good at stuff like this.”

“What do you mean stuff like this?”

“Like stupid dream stuff.” I remove the IV from my arm and turn, resting my feet on the floor. “I’m better at, like, guitar and stuff.” Arthur looks a little impressed. Dom cuts him a cooling look with his giant moon-head.

“Well, then I guess we can’t use you,” Dom says.

“Fine,” I respond. “Good luck with Mickey Rooney over there.” I get up, ask Arthur where he got all his sweet ties and vests, then bolt. I also teabag Saito.

The End.

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