Archive | 5:13 pm

Poop Tweets

26 Mar

At the request of a friend, I have compiled a list of all of my poop tweets. Enjoy! (@IronKyle)

I have a turd pressing itself against the door of my butthole. I lay in my bed, afraid. I hear it whispering my name.

I pooped a poop that looked like a little mud kitten curled up, peacefully asleep. The flush felt like murder.

I’ve had diarrhea all day. My butthole = a sick cat, where it’s crying out in pain, but you can’t explain to it what’s going on.

I drink like a fish, fuck like a rabbit, fight like a tiger, and poop outside like pretty much all the animals.

Shit the bed last night. Woke up and thought it was just a stinky snake that had fallen asleep in my bed. It wasn’t a snake. It was poop.

Among the documents leaked by WikiLeaks, a crayon drawing by President Barack Obama of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad eating “America’s doo doo.”

Sweat glistened on his brow and there was a tightening in his gut. The sound of a splash and the sudden knowledge. Poop had happened.

“Mr. Kyle, Sebastion called me Juan Poop but that isn’t my last name.”#hilariouscomplaints

“Would you still love me if I shit all over your bed?” #DeletedScenesFromTitanic

In a few hours, I’m going to be able to tell you how three pounds of lo mein looks coming out of a human butt.

Afraid to fart. #DiarrheaAllDay

Tried pulling a “it’s cool to poop your pants” in the vein of “Billy Madison” at school today. Didn’t work. Just ended up shitting myself.

Somebody’s cat pooped in the sands of time.

I hate when I poop in public and my butt gets splashed.

My poop this morning smelled like dog poop. Note to self: stop knowing what dog poop smells like.

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