Tag Archives: celebrity

No Retweet, No Surrender.

23 Oct

This is Olivia Munn:

oliviamunnShe’s currently the co-host of the hit G4 show, Attack of the Show along side Kevin Pereira. The show is based around video games, video game culture, technology, and trying to keep Olivia Munn’s cleavage on the screen as much as possible.

attackI don’t watch this show, but I’m vaguely familiar with it because a lot of my friends watch it. And since I know about the show, I know about Olivia Munn’s existence. Turns out Olivia has a twitter page, which is actually pretty entertaining, and the same can be said of her personal web site.

A few weeks ago, I decided that my goal for the month of October was to get a celebrity to tweet back at me. I thought Olivia Munn would be a good choice because she seemed fairly active on her twitter, didn’t have 4 million followers, and seemed to appreciate cool things–and I’m a cool thing.

dangerouskyle

Jesus, I'm cool.

There’s a couple of ways I could get her to tweet at me: respond to her(“@oliviamunn, …”), tweet at her, I could re-tweet her, where I just repeat something she said and credit her, or I could just try to be so infinitely entertaining that she just founds out about me and starts following me, then tweeting at me, then holla-ing at me, then making love at me, then marrying at me.

I decided the best way would be a relentless series of comical responses as well as tweeting at her about nothing in particular.

Here’s a few of my attempts:

OliviaMunn: I think I just fell in love with New York City.

IronKyle@OliviaMunn: I thought I had fallen in love with New York City once, but then I found it cheating on me with Chicago in the back of an Arby’s.

OliviaMunn: Tip for ur life: Never read magazines that r sitting in doctors office. Sick people have been touching them.

IronKyle@OliviaMunn: That’s not so dangerous. Just boil the magazines before you read them.

OliviaMunn: Be nice to people like a hero: In case you didn’t see the NBC PSA I did with Masi Oka that Milo Ventimigli.. http://bit.ly/2MVBQY

IronKyle@OliviaMunn: My fondest hero memory was when Spiderman let me borrow a pair of his socks when we went bowling.

OliviaMunn: Don’t hate me, please. I know everyone is wondering where their Playboy is that you sent in to me to sign.. http://bit.ly/14eF7P

IronKyle@OliviaMunn: Instead of signing them, you should do something really personal, like draw a funny hats on all the pictures. THAT’S special.

Here are a few instances of me just tweeting at Olivia Munn:

IronKyle@OliviaMunn: The other day I saved a baby turtle from the middle of the street. I like to think that one day it’ll one day be the ninja kind.

IronKyle@OliviaMunn: My back hurts.

——————————————————————————–

I like to think that these responses are pretty funny, and if not that, a little unique. I have one week to attain my goal of Olivia Munn response tweet. I can’t give up. I won’t give up. Never. Ever. Ever…until the end of October.

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INSIDE CELEBRITIES! LET’S GET INSIDE SOME CELEBRITIES!

26 Sep

Welcome to a new segment on IronKyle.com, “Inside Celebrities,” where I present a nice little expose about one of my favorite celebrities.

Today we’re diving deep inside of James Woods: Actor, semi-professional poker player, and volunteer police officer (all true).

jameswoods

James Philip Lamar Jason Michael Jack Mudpie Woods was born on August 16, 1947 to parents Jesus and A Big Pile of Diamonds.

James Woods was a precocious child, spending most days secluded in his tree house (which he made himself at the age of 6). James’s tree house was the only one in the entire neighborhood to have indoor plumbing and and a helipad. For this reason, rumors circulated that his dad probably helped him on it. Jesus said that no he didn’t help and then sent most of those people to hell for all eternity.

As a student, James was average at best, never able to truly dedicate himself to his studies. His teachers said he could often be found staring out the window during lessons, day dreaming. It was later revealed that James was watching a couple of squirrels that would use the tree outside the window for sex.

When James was a young man, he joined the Boy Scouts. This was a short-lived venture due to a traumatic and life-changing event at a holiday outreach event. The troop was scheduled to travel to a local elementary school and perform a holiday-theme musical. James, already showing a penchant for creative expression, volunteered to direct the musical. James decided to take the musical RENT and change all the lead characters to popular holiday figures. The first performance was stopped by the faculty when it became apparent that Frosty the Snowman, the life-partner of Santa Claus, was about to die of advanced HIV. Upon word of the cancellation, James threw himself into the crowd in a fit of “Musical Theater Rage” as he later described it.  This is how James Woods accidentally ruined Christmas one year.

"My first mistake was slapping that child. My second mistake was slapping that other child."

"My first mistake was slapping that child. My second mistake was slapping that other child." -James Woods

James Woods has looked 45 since he was 8. This isn’t because of any kind of medical condition. It’s because he wanted it that way.

In high school, James was the star of the theater department. One collegiate scout had this to say of the budding actor: “Wait, how old is that kid? He looks like he’s fifty. Something’s wrong here.” James was approached by an agent upon graduating high school, but turned him down, wanting to first pursue his education.

James attended MIT, planning to become a surgeon upon graduation. Woods’s attainment of this position would have seemed unlikely, as he received a degree in Economics. However, with his dry wit and Jersey-charm, James soon got a position as a neurosurgeon at New York’s Rockefeller University Hospital. Woods lost this position after he killed six consecutive patients. James was well known around the hospital for his trademark, pre-surgery tag line: “I’m not a surgeon.”

Soon after leaving the medical field, James followed his previous love, theater. His first role was in the Broadway presentation of Borstal Boy, a play depicting Irish nationalist Brendan Behan’s stay in the borstal, the British juvenile jail. Woods played Phil Gradcall, a fellow activist who happened to have fire powers. The fire powers were not part of the original script, but Woods felt that the character “called for them” and improvised the detail so well at rehearsals that it was written into the script. Writer Frank McMahon called the addition “the greatest insult to a literary work I have ever seen, but when ‘Phil’ used his fire powers to burn that woman’s clothes off, I thought that was pretty awesome.” The play garnered critical and popular acclaim and launched Woods into the limelight.

James followed this role up with another stint on Broadway and gradually transitioned into film. He has twice garnered Academy award nominations. One in 1987 for Best Actor in the film Salvador, and the second in 1996 for Best Supporting Actor in the film Ghosts of Mississippi. Ghosts of Mississippi depicted the trial of white supremacist Byron De La Beckwith (played by James Woods), who stood accused of the murder of civil rights activist Medgar Evers. There were rumors of friction between James and co-star Whoopi Goldberg, sprouting from a remark Woods had made about Whoopi’s last film, Sister Act. Said James, “I don’t get what’s so funny about Sister Act. Is it because she’s black or something? Is black funny now?” Woods then turned to then-agent Roger Williams and was heard asking “How can I become black?”

James Woods has had a number of small roles since his success in the late eighties and mid nineties, but none compare to the role he played in 2006, when he played himself in the season premier of the hit television show Entourage. The role pushed James’s acting to a new level. “I had to be myself, and I’m an incredibly complex person. I had to really live as myself for a few days to get into the ‘Woods’ mindset. Do you have any idea how much sex I had to have? A lot.”

The sky is the limit for this creative titan. Burn on, James. Burn on. Just don’t ever burn out.

For Inside Celebrities, this is Iron Kyle Irion. Thanks for reading.

Celebritweets 2: The Tweequel

21 Sep

So, hey! Twitter is still up. Good. Good for them. Also, good for us because there are still plenty of celebrities tweeting away facts that are, for the most part, just as mundane as the ones us regular folks post, but hey! These are CELEBRITIES! Now, there are even more celebrities for me to tweet at than last time. That’s also good for us.

For those unfamiliar with the twitter format, here’s a quick summary: in twitter, you can send updates describing what you’re doing throughout the day to your twitter account. It looks like a big message board. When you want to respond to something on somebody’s twitter, you simply type “@(username)” and then your message. So, if somebody wanted to message me they’d type “@IronKyle.” You can also “retweet” what someone else tweeted by simply typing “RT @(username of person you’re retweeting).” Twitter also allows you to send pictures through tiny links called “twitpics.”

If you’re still confused, don’t worry. You’ll catch on.

————

levarburton @IronKyle: I don’t do that show anymore. It’s been canceled for 4 years.

IronKyle @levarburton: What? Did people stop reading or something? Did you reach the end of the rainbow and find that everything had already been adapted into a movie?

levarburton @IronKyle: Lol, No, I didn’t ever try to find the “rainbow.” It was just a graphic, really.

IronKyle @levarburton: You know what, Levar Burton? You’re kind of an ass hole.

—-

AlYankovic: I’m going to be on the Jimmy Fallon Show!

IronKyle @AlYankovic: Are you rolling the dice that by some miracle Jimmie Fallon has found the only 100 or so people left in the world who haven’t heard “Amish Paradise“?

AlYankovic @IronKyle: Haha, real funny. When will you be on Jimmy Fallon?

IronKyle @AlYankovic: After I beat your ass for making a mockery of Don Mclean’s “American Pie.” What you did to that song is like me putting a giant copper mustache on the Statue of Liberty.

AlYankovic @IronKyle: Kyle, I’m sorry if my parody offended you.They’re meant as kind of “comedic parodies.” There’s no call for you to threaten me.

IronKyle @AlYankovic: I’m going to turn your face into a “comedic parody” of your ass.

AlYankovic@IronKyle: That’s enough. This conversation is over.

IronKyle @AlYankovic: Later, Yankadick.

—-

IronKyle @JeremyPiven: Would you say you’re kind of like the Fonzie of “Entourage”?

JeremyPiven @IronKyle: Haha, I wish. I can only hope to be compared to a character like that.

IronKyle @JeremyPiven: Yea, here. http://twitpic.com/imj4

JeremyPiven @IronKyle: What is that?

IronKyle @JeremyPiven: It’s me peeing on Fonzie’s house holding the season 1 DVD’s of “Entourage.”

JeremyPiven @IronKyle: God. You’ve got to be kidding me. First of all, his name is Henry Winkler, not “Fonzie.” Second of all, I don’t condone any of this just because you’re holding “Entourage” DVD’s.

IronKyle RT@JeremyPiven: God? You’ve got to be kidding me.

JeremyPiven @IronKyle: That is NOT what I said! Take that down!

@JeremyPiven: Hey, right now, are you wearing a really nice suit, clutching your cell phone and half-yelling?

JeremyPiven @IronKyle: Are you asking if I resemble my character on “Entourage”? Well, no. I’m sitting quietly at my computer talking to a child.

IronKyle @JeremyPiven: When you go pee, do you call yourself “Jeremy Pissin’.”?

JeremyPiven @IronKyle: Stop it. Go away.

—-

IronKyle @johncmayer: So, you have a new album coming out?

johncmayer @IronKyle: Yea man, I absolutely do. It should be coming out pretty soon.

IronKyle @johncmayer: Did you do another song about trying to halt Earth’s orbit around the sun? That was epic.

johncmayer @IronKyle: What song?

IronKyle @johncmayer: “Waiting on the World to Change.”

johncmayer @IronKyle: Dude, come on. Do you ever listen to these songs? Or do you just read the title and make the rest up in your head?

IronKyle @johncmayer: Play a guitar solo.

johncmayer @IronKyle: Did you even read my response?

IronKyle @johncmayer: I can’t remember. Did you date skinny Jessica Simpson or fat Jessica Simpson?

johncmayer @IronKyle: Go to hell, man.

IronKyle @johncmayer: Hey, do you feel weird that you Jessica dated you to round out her “high school archetype” list?

johncmayer @IronKyle: What?

IronKyle @johncmayer: She dated “the jock,” Tony, the “sensitive guy,” Nick Lachey, and then you, the “musician with a stupid face.”

johncmayer @IronKyle: Remind me why I talk to you, you fuck.

IronKyle RT @johncmayer: Remind me why I fuck you, you talk.

johncmayer @IronKyle: You are such a beating, dude. I’m out.

IronKyle @johncmayer: John Mayer, you’re more of an asshole than Levar Burton. You know that?

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